I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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