Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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