yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
never play flip cup with pint glasses
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
