I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
