How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
