her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
