it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
