Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
