Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
