We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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