i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
