I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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