Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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