bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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