based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
