I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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