I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
