one two three fourrrrnication!
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
