Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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