So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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