I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
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Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
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according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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