do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
