Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The air was thick with penises
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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