she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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