Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
