We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
