STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
