I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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