i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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