the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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