i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
