Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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