he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
