Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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