we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
