I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think a kid would responsible me up
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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