I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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