I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
