hell yes lets make some ravioli
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You ever have a fart follow you around?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
