If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
