We're facebook friends in real life
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I could fuck to npr.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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