she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
