apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
