Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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