She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
