i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize