I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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