Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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