why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
