He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
