i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize