and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
