He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
