My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Randomize
