Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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