you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
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sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
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I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.