Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine