I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
