Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.