i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."