I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
