Do you still have your period?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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