ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Congratulations! We have a period
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