now i know why i became what i already was.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
