if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
