i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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