Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
