I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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