I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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