okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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