Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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