Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
