I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
