I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
