we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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