It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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