I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
