No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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