I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
