I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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