If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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