Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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