What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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