Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
