Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
honey bunches of taint.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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