I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Duck Duck Cougar?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
